...unstuffy, humorous hosts who treat their guests like friends, cherished gardens, good food, untouristy places, dirt roads, the lived-in look, the unusual, the artistic, the eco-friendly, creative interior design, historic buildings, modern architecture, big baths, powerful showers, imaginative breakfasts, open fires, real coffee, freshly-squeezed orange juice...

...conference centres, identikit bedrooms, chain hotels; hosts who disappear irretrievably after your arrival... or never leave you alone; swirly, frilly, lacy décor; the smelly, the over-priced, the sickeningly cutesy; fake smiles, hatchet faces and steely eyes!